The Hat Trick

Ambitious realtard fraudsters with a most odious and ambitious disposition.

The charges:

1. RE Investor Fraud
2. Defrauding Lenders
3. Rent-to-own fraud

[the report]

That leaves, well let’s see… weeell nooooo, actually I think that about covers it. Next victim!

“the accused deceived more than 130 investors with assurances of a legitimate and worry free investment system requiring little or no capital investment and virtually no involvement in the transaction or in the subsequent management of the investment.

“One such assurance, a rent guarantee, allegedly promised that the investor would receive rent every month, whether it was collected or not. Another alleged incentive was the low out-of-pocket cost to the investor – a maximum of $1,000 to purchase a property. “

Such a deal! Is it any wonder they had people lining up around the block with terms like that? Of course, if the suckers could be bothered to read the docs… ah, who we kiddin’, it wouldn’t have mattered one iota. They failed to apply the first test, the one of smell… and the second, requiring the ability to perform complex addition and subraction formulas such as:

mtg pmt + taxes – rent = profit(loss)

OH! My brain is all hurty. No way does my brain have enough power left to figure in depreciation, maintenance, vacancy.

Is it any surprise that RE ‘professionals’ <spit> were the evil-doers here?

I didn’t think so.

That is why around here we refer to them as realtards.

[H/T]

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How many homedebtors read their loan docs? How many congresscritters read the bills they vote on? Exactly. We get the politicians we deserve.

Green shits

Glad to see you go-go-go-goodbye

Cerberus restructuring offers investors few quick exits

Firm’s hedge fund faces redemption requests for at least half of assets

SAN FRANCISCO (MarketWatch) — Cerberus Capital Management LP unveiled a  restructuring of its main hedge fund late that offers few ways for  redeeming investors to get their money back quickly, according to two  people familiar with the situation.

The plan, described in a Friday letter from the firm, means investors in  Cerberus Partners LP will probably get about 5% of their money back by the  end of 2009 at most, the people said on condition of anonymity.

Cerberus is offering investors in the hedge fund two main choices. One option involves shifting their stakes into a special-purpose vehicle which will be liquidated over two to four years, the people explained.

[Market Watch]

OOH! an SPV! Can I get a piece of that action?!?

Cerberus are the fuckers who bet big on debt-ridden heavyweights GMAC and Chrysler. They were part of that same group of people who, as Joe Biden says, “didn’t see this coming.”

So it is not a stretch to say theirs were the dimmest bulbs in the room.

What else would you expect of company that would hire Bob Nardelli? And… Dan Quayle? C’mon!

So the sad here story is the investors got screwed out of >95% (hmmm, still a better return than Madoff), but the happy news is the partners (just like the Madoff fund-of-funders ‘Madeout’ like Walt Noel, who keep their ill-gotten gains) made bonus!

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I’m sure Joe Biden didn’t see it coming.

A brief musical interlude

Get out the anal lube

Are you an underwater home-debtor lacking in financial smarts? Do you think it’s okay to trust the government, since, well, you are convinced the gummint is ultimately looking out for your best interests? Are you considering taking advantage of the “Making Home Affordable” modification program?

I shouldn’t be doing this, because maybe it is better for you to get what you deserve (”an expensive edumacation”).

So consider this post a public service announcement.

Why? I am in a generous mood. Also, what I and others clearly see is a government working in tandem with bankster apparatchiks to create social injustice; to deceive you; to take advantage of you; to turn you into what I can only call a 21st century debt-serf, wedded to a death contract (”mortgage”) for possibly the rest of your life.

So, if you are considering a mortgage mod, in the spirit of  ’the adversary of my adversary is my compadre,’ I’ll bottom line this for you: prepare yourself to be buggered sideways.

If you happened to be at home and watched those annoying, hard-sell, daytime teevee commercials (with a portrait if Our Dear Leader looking all starry-eyed- or stoned- in the upper left hand corner) trying to entice you to save your (not my) American Dream(tm), don’t be suckered-in like you were the last time. These are the very same mortgage brokers who fucked you without a condom the last time. They’re operating under a different flag now, but trust me(tm) it’s them. Yes, that’s right, the ones who got you that generous no-doc loan with an Alt-A or ARM the last time.

They didn’t care about you then, and they want another shot at you (because they believe you are, yes, stupid). They want to flip you into a new mortgage with usurious terms, for a 3-5,000 dollar commish and then discard you on to the junk pile of future defaulters and go on to find the next sucker.

You might want to reconsider falling right into that trap again.

Otherwise, you might want to find a jar of what we have generously picture above. Try looking in the notion section of your local drug store.

So, here’s some help. A couple of bloggers have posted what just might help you to make the correct decision, even if that decision is walking away…

Naked Capitalsim

Housing Kaboom

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“People have a right to know what’s truly going on in their societies, rather than fall prey to the interests of politicians and financiers that are better served by hiding what’s real. ” -Ilargi

Fly at your own risk

Story du jour:

Aircraft repair jobs performed by unqualified illegal alien workers, displacing qualified Americans; previous experience, speaking English not required

If you own a house, it’s probably gone down in a value.  There isn’t much of anything that you can do about that and if you are like many homedebtors, you probably prefer to crack open a Burgie(tm) and ignore that particular problem until it goes away (or the market turns around- heh).

Kind of the adult version of making like an ostrich: you just don’t want to know or think about it. La la la la fucking la.

Besides, if you still have a job, you can pay the mortgage- after all we all need a place to live.

And unless you attract disaster, chances are nothing will crash into your house. I’ll take those odds (knocks on wood).

If you are a frequent flyer, you might want to read this story (with video for the weary) out of a Dallas TV station. Or, after reading the headline you might just prefer to just ignore it.

After all, what can you do about it?

Perhaps it’s not as bad as it sounds.

The problems are probably blown all out of proportion by the media, and are most likely contained to an entirely different segment of the market than those you frequent.

It’s just one news story, and not even out of a major market. Why hasn’t the NY Times covered it? Must not be important.

We can still trust that regulatory authorities are doing their job, and haven’t taken any bribes or lined up a cushy office job after their retirement from the FAA or ICE with the companies they oversee, to occasionally look the other way.

Even with early retirement and a juicy double-dip escapade beckoning, a federal official would never neglect their sworn duty while in office and place American people at risk.

No sirree Benny.

[WFAA.com]

HT: Mish

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Who regluates the regulators?

Deflationary pressure?

Five States brace for shutdowns
Time is running out for the legislatures in Arizona, California, Indiana, Mississippi and Pennsylvania to solve budget gaps.

“Of the 46 states whose fiscal year ends today, 32 did not have budgets passed and approved by their governors as of Monday afternoon, according to the National Conference of State Legislatures.” [LAT]

Also:

Ten States Race to Finish Budgets [WSJ]

How much of the problem is that taxes (”income” via sales, income, property levies) increasingly go to pay down debt- bonds, interest on borrowed money, etc. to finance pet projects, build Taj Mahal’s to stupidity and the petit bureacracy, overpaying their pet contractors in the process?

From my POV politicians imprudently leveraged *everyone’s* future to make *their* careers.

How different is that REALLY from Wall Street firms which for years goosed earnings to earn record bonuses?

Of course, if they hadn’t crashed the car from blind drunkenness, nobody would be in harm’s way, right? In a sober moment, perhaps you’d realize a crash was inevitable.  As a drunk driver who was sued civilly by the man whose car he ‘borrowed’ once said:

“I take full responsibility… but you should have never trusted me, so it’s really all your fault.”

I’m starting to doubt CA will ever get that bullet train from LA to SF.
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We’re all subprime now!

Madoff’s Ponzi Partner Roams Free

This guy is one of apparently many accomplices that benefited (and perhaps helped direct) such massive fraud. They are doing everything in their power to stay off the radar.

Let’s hope the Madoff “victims” continue to keep the cross-hairs zeroed on Bernie’s fellow Ponzers.

After reading this account of Jeffry Picower’s involvement (let’s call it bezzling) with big pharma (see this series of articles on Milken too), I am starting to come to the conclusion that the games these investor types  (among their cohorts: Martha Stewart) are playing with pharma is but nothing better than a very advanced shell game.

He isn’t under investigation, he isn’t answering questions, he’s laying low and and he’ll do everything he can to stonewall any and all inquiries until people just lose interest. And he’ll likely keep every cent (and then some) of his billion-dollar bezzle proceeds.

Clawback Now! Disgorgement is the Way Forward!
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Dem snake oil salesmen have come a long way, baby.

Weekend reading

Some pieces to keep you out of trouble over the upcoming (and ironically named) Independence Day weekend.

Short:

Palace Coup:
Matt Taibbi’s piece on Goldman Sucks. [Rolling Stone]

We Are Devo:
Charlie Smith, Domino Devolutions: Credit, Assets, Spending, Taxes, Jobs [Of Two Minds]

Preview of coming attractions:
Alt-A and Option ARM Economic Disaster Update: California Solution? Workout 3,430 Alt-A loans in March. Good Job. All we have is an additional 643,000 Alt-A Loans in the State. At this Rate it will take us 15 years to Modify or Alter all Alt-A Loans. [Dr. Housing Bubble]

Say it ain’t so, Matt:
Goldman Sucks and their tool Drudge [GoldmanSucksRules]

Hope[tm] for service-sector droids:
The Case for Working With Your Hands [NYT]

When Meddlesome Bureacrats and Masters of the Universe COLLIDE!
Treasury/ESF Interference In US Free Markets (Draft), by Eric deCarbonnel [Market Skeptics]

Long (ish):

It’s Over, It’s Over, It’s OOOOOOoooooooo-ver
It’s Finished, by John Lancaster [London Review of Books]

Americans Would Be Paranoid if They Knew Everyone Really Was Out to Get Them
De-Dollarization: Dismantling America’s Financial-Military Empire, by Michael Hudson

Moscow on the Hudson:
REDWASH: The untold story of the Bank of New York, global money laundering and financing of international terror [Moscow Telegraph]

The next two entries are actual books:

Oh Smedley, Smedley Butler! Where for art thou?
America’s Hidden History, The Plot To Seize The White House By Jules Archer [Information Clearing House]

From the Dept. of (the facetiously named) It Can Never Happen Here:
When Money Dies: The Nightmare of the Weimar Collapse, by ADAM FERGUSSON [Mises dot org]

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[Rolling Stone

Enveloped in a Green Chute